"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."

"I have the worlds largest seashell collection. You may have seen it, I keep it spread out on beaches all over the world."

"Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time."

"My girlfriend sleeps in a queen-sized bed and I sleep in a court jester-sized bed."

"I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."

"I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night."

"The needs of society determine its ethics."

"Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win."

"Beware the man of one book."

"Almost all reformers, however strict their social conscience, live in houses just as big as they can pay for."

"My goal in life is to survive. Everything else is just a bonus."

"There is only one thing that a philosopher can be relied on to do, and that is, to contradict other philosophers."